Friday, February 4, 2011

Humor For Lexophiles (lovers of words)


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
   Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care . . . where a 
   three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
   He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
   was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and
   got a little behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil 
   is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes 
   take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was
   a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar 
   got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement
   he became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be
   charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they
   always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, 
   U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard
   He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes
   was on shaky ground.

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