The Keeper of the Springs

The late Peter Marshall was an eloquent speaker and for several years served as the chaplain of the US Senate. He used to love to tell the story of the "Keeper of the Spring," a quiet forest dweller who lived high above an Austrian village along the eastern slope of the Alps.

The old gentleman had been hired many years earlier by a young town councilman to clear away the debris from the pools of water up in the mountain crevices that fed the lovely spring flowing through their town. With faithful, silent regularity, he patrolled the hills, removed the leaves and branches, and wiped away the silt that would otherwise have choked and contaminated the fresh flow of water. The village soon became a popular attraction for vacationers. Graceful swans floated along the crystal clear spring, the mill wheels of various businesses located near the water turned day and night, farmlands were naturally irrigated, and the view from restaurants was picturesque beyond description.

Years passed. One evening the town council met for its semiannual meeting. As they reviewed the budget, one man's eye caught the salary figure being paid the obscure keeper of the spring. Said the keeper of the purse, "Who is the old man? Why do we keep him on year after year? No one ever sees him. For all we know, the strange ranger of the hills is doing us no good. He isn't necessary any longer." By a unanimous vote, they dispensed with the old man's services.

For several weeks, nothing changed.

By early autumn, the trees began to shed their leaves. Small branches snapped off and fell into the pools, hindering the rushing flow of sparkling water. One afternoon someone noticed a slight yellowish-brown tint in the spring. A few days later, the water was much darker. Within another week, a slimy film covered sections of the water along the banks, and a foul odor was soon detected. The mill wheels moved more slowly, some finally ground to a halt. Swans left, as did the tourists. Clammy fingers of disease and sickness reached deeply into the village.

Quickly, the embarrassed council called a special meeting. Realizing their gross error in judgment, they rehired the old keeper of the spring, and within a few weeks, the veritable river of life began to clear up. The wheels started to turn, and new life returned to the hamlet in the Alps.  
- Charles Swindoll-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are there leaves of anger, twigs of resentment, or silt of unforgiveness clogging your spring of living water? Just as little by little the stream became clogged and contaminated by debris, so our spirits can become obstructed by what “we think” is the “small sins” of day-to-day living. Let's keep the water clean and flowing. Turn our lives over completely to the Christ of Calvary and let Him clean up the streams of life – He Can Do It!!

Today's 10 Commandments

Someone has written these beautiful words. Read them and try to understand their deep meaning. They are like the ten commandments to follow all through your life.

1] Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

 

2] Why is a car's windshield so large and the rear view mirror is so small? Because our past is not as important as our future. So, look ahead and move on.

 

3] Friendship is like a book. It takes a few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

 

4] All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it; they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either.

 

5] Old friends are gold! New friends are diamonds! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold because to hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold!

 

6] Often, when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!

 

7] When God solves your problems, you have faith in HIS abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems HE has faith in your abilities.

8] A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing your eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"

9] When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them. Sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

 10] Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace.

 

Trust God - He will lead your pathway - He will direct your way!

Spring Cleaning . . .

 

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture, or write a letter, or bake a cake, or plant a seed; ponder the difference between want and need?
 
Dust if you must, but there's not much time, with rivers to swim, and mountains to climb; music to hear, and books to read; friends to cherish, and a life to lead.


Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair; a flutter of snow, a shower of rain, this day will not come around again.


Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind. And when you go (and go you must) you, yourself, will make more dust!!


~  ~  ~  ~  ~  


Well . . . I guess I had better get up and get to dusting whether I want to or not . . . then enjoy the wonders of today!!

THE RUSTIC CHICK: Glazed Roast Pork Loin with Peaches

THE RUSTIC CHICK: Glazed Roast Pork Loin with Peaches: Glazed Roast Pork Loin with Peaches 1 T. Flour 1 Tsp. Sage 1/4 Tsp. Salt Pepper to Taste 1- 4 lb. Boneless Pork Loin 3 T. Hon...

I was there to taste this and it is sooooo goooooood!

THE RUSTIC CHICK: Cowgirl Gospel: Providing and Little Blessings

Click on The Rustic Chick and read my daughter's blog post.  She has a wonderful way with words.

THE RUSTIC CHICK: Cowgirl Gospel: Providing and Little Blessings: I believe in little blessings. The tiny things that you may think aren't part of God's plan but actually may be a blessing from him. We g...

Liz Accident

This Post was from a year ago just now decided to post it . . .


Last Saturday my daughter called me from the emergency room at about 1:45 am. She was so upset that the nurse finally took the phone and told me she had been in a car accident and she had broken her arm - could I come up to her.  What mother would say, "no"?  I jumped out of bed, dressed and headed for the hospital as quickly as I could.  When I got there, she was being X-rayed but the nurses came in and told me the ambulance had brought her in around around 1:30 am. They proceeded to tell me that she had been in a car accident and had rolled her car two times. She had hit some ice and went through the guard rail and off the interstate. At that point I just wanted to see my first-born child and hold her.  I waited for what seemed like hours.  All the time imagining all sorts of things!  (It is a mother's nature to worry about our children, isn't it??!!) Finally, they wheeled her into the room.  My "baby girl" was upset, hurting, crying, etc. I could tell her arm was broken just by looking at it!! They continued checking her over and finally about 6:00 am wrapped her arm to give it some support and were concerned about her ankle as well. 

She began telling me what had happened. It had warmed up Saturday and was slushy and by midnight it was starting to freeze in spots. As she recounted swerving back and forth, hitting and flying over or through the guard rail, the thumps of the car rolling over, the airbag engaging - knocking her contacts out of her eyes, feeling around for her phone in a car full of snow, realizing her arm was broken, trying to climb over the console to get into the passenger seat, then feeling trapped when the door would not open, waiting and wondering how she was going to get out, not being able to find her cell phone, knowing she would have to climb up a steep embankment to get back up to the interstate!!! So many thoughts going through her mind.  Trapped, no phone, can't see, hurting arm - what was she going to do????  Just then some guys came running over and tried to get her out but couldn't.  Police, ambulance, fire truck all came and finally pried open the door and the ambulance rushed her to the hospital. What an awful experience for any of us!

Have you ever been in a situation like that - where you didn't know what you were going to do?  How to save yourself?  Thank goodness for the police, ambulance workers, men that stopped to help! And then for all of the nurses and doctors!
All of this happened early Sunday morning around 1:00 am.  She finally went into "emergency" surgery for her arm at around 8:00 pm that night and was once again wheeled into her room at about 12:45 pm.  I "tucked" her in and drove home tired and weary after being at the hospital nearly 24 hours straight. But thanking God for giving the doctors knowledge and skill to put two plates on each of the two broken bones in her arm and therapy on her ankle, and a God that was watching over the whole event with His protective hand on her!

So many times I have looked back on my life and my family's lives and realize that God had His protective hand on us.  Sometimes I have felt His presence right there through the situation and other times I realized that He was there all the time - even when I started to doubt!!  Shame on me!!!

I wrote this last year at the time of Liz's accident!  But I am just now putting it in my blog.  It brought back with it many reminders that God Is In Control of our lives.  I pray and trust that God does just that very thing to each of us to remind us that He is still HERE!  Whether it is with conviction of heart or a pleasant hug - Lord, let each of us feel your touch in your way for the days that are ahead of us.  Let us know you are here and let us look to you for the grace and mercy to see us through.  Send your guardian angels down to us and let us take hold of them and know we are being looked out for.  Even when we don't know it - let us feel your touch again and again.  Thank you, Jesus!

Daylight Savings Time!!

Don't forget to set your clocks!!!

Winter Sunrise

It was a cold wintry morning. I woke up to my radio announcing the temperature was 2 degrees with a wind chill index of -12 at 6:58 am! I had overslept. I wanted to roll over and stay under the warm covers but knew I could not do that. Jumping out of bed, I woke Noah, telling him to hurry and then rushed to get myself ready.

We rushed out the door where a freezing chilly wind hit me clear to the bone. It was a winter wonderland. Everything covered with snow and frost and my breath frozen in the air. The sky was a dark, gloomy, gray overcast. The car slowly cranked over and reluctantly started. Finally after scraping frost off of the windows and the car somewhat warmed up we hurriedly proceeded to back out of the driveway. Of course, since we were running late, traffic was heavy. Seeing our break, we were on our way.

Driving up the street, I notice a narrow, yellowish colored shaft of light shooting straight up into the sky amidst the gloom. This was very odd - never saw anything quite like this before.

Focusing on the traffic again, I pulled up to the drop off lane in front of the school and waited our turn as the bumper to bumper cars dropped off kids. At last – my turn. I apologized to Noah for getting up so late, told him to hurry before the bell rang, and also told him to “have a great day”. Yeah, right – really started out great!

Turning on my signal I started to merge back into the traffic and drive around the block. I was so cold and the car just didn’t seem to be heating up fast enough to take the chill out of the air. My morning coffee was awaiting me! I made the full circle of the block and headed back in the direction I had started when I pulled up to the stop light and was overcome by what was unfolding before my eyes. I sat at that stop light in total amazement. That small shaft of narrow light had illuminated the entire horizon. It was like it was pulling back a huge grey curtain and stepping onto the center stage of planet earth and I was sitting in the front row – there at the stop light. The cold frosty trees silhouetted with the bright yellow-orange burst of the most awesome sunrise I have ever seen. I was in a trance watching the marvelous wonder from the heavens as it slowly appeared when I heard a horn blare behind me reminding me that I was blocking traffic. I quickly turned the corner and felt a sadness come over me as I turned my back on this particular sunrise. I was compelled to keep looking over my shoulder so I would’nt miss a single moment of this spectacular sunrise. Knowing I could not drive and look back, I quickly turning into the Walgreens parking lot and drove to the far corner, parked my car and watched, knowing this was a sunset I did not want to miss. All of the sudden every cloud disappeared, the grey sky instantly was a beautiful blue. The sky lit up casting the most interesting glow of light across the bitter, icy, snow covered horizon almost giving a feeling of physical warmth.

Knowing I had to get to work, I watched as long as possible. That sunrise cast a whole new light on my “not so great” start that morning. I have learned that one should never-ever pass up a sunset or a sunrise like this one. They only last a moment – but the impact on the heart and soul is priceless.

I went home, poured my steaming cup of coffee, sat down and reflected on the sight I had not only saw but experienced deep down in my heart. I was once again reminded that “This is the day the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalms 118:24) Truly this was His day. In all of His majesty, God spoke to me through His word and his awesome creation. I only had to change my focus to Him. If you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deu. 4:29) 

I finished my second cup of coffee and headed back out into the cold. But this time my heart was lifted as I thanked God for warming my heart and soul and blessing me with that sunrise of all sunrises!

The Stranger

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger.... He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. After our long time visitor stayed longer he became more daring however, and even got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing….

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked.... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?....

We just call him 'TV.'
Note: This should be required reading for every household!)
He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'
Their first child is 'Cell Phone.'
Second child 'I Pod.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Isn't it funny how much time we can spend in front of the TV, Computer, Cell Phone, etc???  Sometimes I think I will just check my emails and next thing I know it is an hour and half later.  Was that time spent for the best reason?  I'm not always sure because I can spend a lot of time just letting things slip through reading this or that. I can waste a lot of time if I am not careful.  I challenge you to put God first, use these wonderful tools He has provided for us in a meaningful way. Help me, Lord, to lift You up through these modern conveniences.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also
he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.   -Ecc. 3:1-11

God has made everything beautiful in His time - let's keep seeking after His heart and share what we have with those around us. Don't let the "things" of this world steal our time and keep us from sharing God's love, His grace, and His mercy.  Blessings to you!

God's love letter

(Please mute my blog music so you can hear this - it is beautiful!!)

This has so much encouragement within the scriptures! Why wouldn't I want to be "His" child? That is the desire of my heart of hearts today. What about you?

Why God Made Moms

WHY GOD MADE MOMS Answers given by 2nd grade  school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine..

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Crouton on the Sunday

Could it be this simple??!!!

No Bake Peanut Butter Bars (adapted from Amy's Finer Things)

photo credit

No Bake Peanut Butter Bars 
adapted from Amy's Finer Things
1 cup butter
1 cup peanut butter
1 sleeve graham crackers, crushed (about 20 crackers)
3 cups powdered sugar
1 1/2 cup chocolate chips (milk chocolate is our favorite!) 

Melt butter.  Blend with peanut butter and crushed graham crackers (I used my KitchenAid stand mixer).  Sift powdered sugar into peanut butter mixture, one cup at a time (I sprinkle it through a strainer).  Mix until well blended.  Batter will be stiff! 

Press into a 9x13 pan.  Melt chocolate chips; spread over bars.  Refrigerate before cutting into small squares.  (They are as rich as fudge!)

Enjoy! These are so good - but we are peanut butter lovers!

The Meaning of Success

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.     Ralph Waldo Emerson

Perseverance - Hebrews 12:1

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!" "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."      - Hebrews 12:1 How many times are we just like that - we forget that there is a great cloud of witnesses - let us just throw off everything that hinders - and run with perserverance - that race that is marked out for us!

Fixing Bicycles

I love stories. One of my favorites is about a little girl who was late coming home for supper. Her mother made the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had been.

The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie, whose bicycle was broken in a fall. "But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles," her mother responded.  "I know that," the girl said. "I just stopped to help her cry."
                               - Murray Lancaster

Not many of us know anything about fixing bicycles, either. And when our friends have fallen and broken, not their bicycles but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. We simply cannot "fix" someone else's life, even though that's what we would like most to do.

But like the little girl, we can stop to help them cry. That is the best we can do. And that is a lot!

Sometimes that is just what we need - a shoulder to cry on - a hug - a smile - a phone call - an email - - - let's reach out to one another this new year and make it a better place to live!!

You Will Never Be Sorry

You Will Never Be Sorry . . .

...for thinking before acting.

...for hearing before judging.

...for forgiving your enemies.

...for being candid and frank.

...for helping a fallen brother.

...for being honest in business.

...for thinking before speaking.

...for being loyal to your church.

...for standing by your principles.

...for closing your ears to gossip.

...for bridling a slanderous tongue.

...for harboring pure thoughts.

...for sympathizing with the afflicted.

...for being courteous and kind to all.

Never - Never - Never feel bad for doing ALL of these things!

Ten Ways to Love

1.      LISTEN without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)

2.      GIVE without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26

3.      PRAY without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)

4.      ANSWER without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)

5.      SHARE without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)

6.      ENJOY without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)

7.      TRUST without wavering. (1 Corinthians 13:7)  

8.      FORGIVE without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)

9.      PROMISE without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

10.  SPEAK without accusing. (James 1:19)

I couldn't help but think of how our world would be different if everyone would truly read the Bible and take it to heart and soul!  There would be no missunderstanding, no heartache, no arguing, no interrupting.  There would be trust, forgiveness, sharing, caring, and praying.

I challenge you as this new year approaches, read your Bible, study your Bible, memorize your Bible (though I am not good at memorizing!!) but take it to heart.  Live it out every day of your life! Not just when you are in church but every day - take it home with you and put it into practice with everyone that you meet.  Your family, your friends, your neighbors, your cashiers . . . everybody you come into contact with.

I challenge you to take note of the changes you see as they happen right before your eyes!  Some may not be evident right away - but just watch and wait and see how God works through you as you take His Word and put it into Practice . . . everyday of your life.

Hope in the Lord

Here is one of my all-time favorite verses - a "Power-Verse"!

Frankincense and Myrrh Bath Salts: The Wise (Wo)Man’s Gifts - Ginger Garrett

Make a batch of these and nestle the package in a gold basket for a beautiful presentation that mimics the Wise Men’s gifts of frankincense, gold, and myrrh. These make great bathtime luxuries for yourself and wonderful holiday gifts. What a sweet way to share the message of Christmas. The recipe below makes enough for ten baths.

6 cups sea salt (Dead Sea salt is preferable; or use coarse sea salt) & 1 cup baking soda

Combine the sea salt, Epsom salt, and baking soda. Add 5 drops each of frankincense and myrrh essential oil*, or until the mixture is richly scented. (You can also add in a sweet scent like lavender or orange to soften the smoky, spicy tones.) Combine well and scoop one cup each into ten containers. (You can use cellophane baggies, colored plastic wrap tied with ribbon, ceramic jars—use your imagination!) Nestle the salts inside a gold basket with a Christmas card from you.

*(Essential oils are simply highly concentrated versions of natural oils extracted from plants and plant matter such as fruit, bark, and leaves. Because the oils are concentrated, one tiny bottle will last for a very long time.)

It’s important to buy these oils at a store where you can test the scent before you buy. Inferior oils of frankincense and myrrh will have a bad “paint thinner” odor. High quality oils will smell rich and warm.

Enjoy!

Divorce - Cancer / What do you say or do?

A friend just told you she is getting a divorce. What do you say?

A woman at your church just found out she has cancer. What do you do?

Do you feel like you want to help, but don’t know how?

Here are a few sobering statistics about the women in crisis around us:

·         40% of marriages end in divorce (the rate is the same for Christians and non-Christians)

·         1 in 6 women have been the victim of a sexual assault

·         1 in 4 have been a victim of domestic abuse.

·         1 in 8 will have invasive breast cancer

·         1 in 3 women are depressed

Now picture the tables of women sitting at your event or Bible study this month. One woman at a table of eight may have invasive breast cancer. In a room of thirty women, five have been the victim of a sexual assault. At an event of two hundred women, fifty have experienced domestic abuse, and over sixty-six are depressed.

There are a lot of women in crisis around us. And as ministry leaders and friends, we are called to comfort them. To say and do the things that will bring them comfort. But do we really know how?

A few years back I was leading a large women’s ministry and was asked to help write a book called Comforting Women in Crisis. I interviewed women and asked them to share their experiences with rape, infidelity, domestic abuse, and miscarriage. As I sat and listened, cried, and later wrote their stories, my heart bled for them.

Writing the book equipped me to do a better job at comforting women in crisis and in this article I hope to give you some tips to help you do the same.

First, let’s talk about What to Say and What Not to Say to women in Crisis…

What NOT to Say
These are all real expressions of “comfort” people have said to women in crisis, and why they are not the best things to say.

1.       Look at the positive. If it was this easy to adjust our attitudes we would certainly do it. Think about it…saying something like this is like telling a blind person not to be so blind…

2.       Call me if you need anything. Most women will not call, and in the midst of a crisis have no idea what they need. You may mean well, but this is an empty gesture, and you just put the responsibility on her for your action or inaction.

3.       I know how you are feeling. Now is not the time to express understanding by sharing your story. Don’t be surprised if your friend reacts with stony silence if you attempt to comfort her in this way. She needs you to listen to how she feels, not how you feel.

4.       The joy of the Lord is your strength! Be careful how you use scripture to comfort a woman in crisis. Instead of helping her feel closer to God, this type of statement can make her feel like a failure TO God, because she feels unable to “control” her emotions or sense the joy of the Lord in her difficult time.

5.       God won’t give you more than you can handle. This statement subtly puts the blame on God for her current situation. Depending on the crisis, she may already feel distant or even angry with God.

Bonus not to say:

·         If you had told me I could have helped. Most women in abusive relationships are not able to reach out for help, and may keep friends at a distance on purpose. Saying this to any woman in crisis infers it was her fault you were not there to help. The last thing she needs now is to feel guilty for failing in your friendship.

·         I’ve always thought he was a jerk. Imagine how this makes a woman feel about possibly decades of her life, and about herself for being married to “the jerk.” Don’t say it, or even agree with her if she does.

What TO Say
Use these words to extend comfort to a woman in crisis.

1.       You’re doing a great job. Instead of saying “look at the positive,” help her to do it! You can never go wrong giving an encouraging word, and don’t give up even if it doesn’t seem like your words are getting through.

2.       I’ll bring you a meal on Tuesday night. Physical exhaustion is common in crisis and your friend may not even realize her need for help. Take the lead and commit to bringing dinner, watching the kids, or helping with errands. The key is—don’t ask, tell. Recognize that even asking her what type of food she likes can be an overwhelming decision right now.

3.       How are you feeling about this? Listen, listen, listen. This was one of the main things women in crisis identified they needed. Don’t try to fix her feelings: support her through them!

4.       I’m so sorry. Don’t withdraw when she is grieving because you don’t have the “right” words to say. Instead, offer to share in and validate your friend’s grief. There are no better words to say, especially when you don’t know what to say, than “I’m sorry.”

5.       I don’t know what to say. Honesty is important. She’ll know if you are uncomfortable or say something you don’t really mean. Better to just admit you have no words and to offer a hug than to say something that won’t be genuine.

Bonus to say:

·         I’m praying this scripture over you, do you have another favorite? Many women say “I’ll pray for you” and walk away. Instead, let the person know you are active in your promises and convey it with your actions. Pray on the spot. Be a visible support, not an invisible promise.

Praying for you and for your healing words as you extend comfort to the women in crisis around you!
~Linda

Linda is a contributing author to the book, Comforting Women in Crisis, and has written women’s ministry leadership and training articles, books, and materials with Group Publishing. She has also presented national training workshops for pastors, women’s ministry teams, small group leaders, and volunteer ministry leaders, and developed a three hour workshop, Comforting Women in Crisis, based on her experiences and research in writing the book.